peeling back

September 20, 2018

Just because you leave what you know does not mean you can't carry what you've known with you where you go. Committing to your growth means consistently committing to your shadows.

 

Tonight i feel a shadow. Life goes on. No matter what. People just keep doing what they do. I just keep being who I am. Masks, lies and all. A beer is placed in front of me and even if I know it makes my eyes burn, stomach ache and head fuzzy I take a sip. Why? What is it about community that reels us in close, entrances us in the allure of connection. 

 

Day 5. It feels like weeks have gone by. Life is going slowly and I am a passive observer tonight.

 

Unsure if I trust the magic happening all around me. Sometimes I am unsure if I am in the right place.

 

I see people in the city. I see an aboriginal person homeless on the street. Why are the homeless ones always people of color and/or aboriginal descent? I spoke to a Maori man who told me happiness is not money, or a house or a well-paid job. Why am i so quick to pity what I do not know?

 

Really i just feel that of self-pity. isolation. disconnection.

 

It isn't in someone else. It is within me.

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